carrie: yeah whoever this is i cant talk im late for a drink thing.
charlotte: i just need five minutes, im meeting brian later and i dont know what to do.
carrie: about what?
charlotte: well...last night, uh...after a movie, we're walking down second avenue and we just passed that...
carrie: FOUR minutes charlotte!!
charlotte: okay i cant just blurt it out, its embarrassing!
carrie: what? what did the perfect boyfriend ask?
(charlotte tells her)
carrie: meet me in front of your apartment in ten minutes!
(in the cab)
carrie: okay words are essential tell me exactly how he worded it.
charlotte: "we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, i really like you, and tomorrow night after dinner i want us to have anal sex."
carrie: okay next stop is gonna be 62nd & madison.
charlotte: 62nd & madison?
carrie: we're picking up miranda.
charlotte: no god oh no.
carrie: yes, and then we're picking up samantha.
charlotte: oh carrie no!
carrie: sweetie listen, you need all the girl support you can get and im late for drinks with big.
charlotte: oh thats great!
(even in her state of abject blackness charlotte was a dating optimist)
miranda: it all depends how much you like do you like him?
charlotte: a lot.
miranda: dating a few months till somebody better comes along a lot? or marrying him in the east hamptons a lot?
charlotte: i dont know im not sure.
miranda: well you better get sure real quick!
charlotte: you're scaring me!
carrie: don't scare her!
miranda: its all about control. if he goes up there, there's gonna be a shift in power, either he'll have the upper hand or you will...now, theres a certain camp that believes whoever holds the dick holds the power but...hello! you're driving! the question is, if he goes up your butt, will he respect you more, or will he respect you less, thats the issue!?
cabbie: no, no smoking in the cab!
carrie: sir, we're talking up the butt, a cigarette is in order!
samantha: front...back, who cares, a hole is a hole.
miranda: can i quote you?
samantha: oh dont be so judgmental, you could use a little a little back door.
miranda: im not a hole!
carrie: honey we know.
samantha: look all im saying, this is a physical expression that the body was designed to experience, and ps...its fabulous!
charlotte: what are you talking about? i went to smith!
samantha: look im just saying the right guy, and the right lubrication...
(cabbie breaks hard)
charlotte: what was that?!
all of them: a preview! hahaha...
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
iikka: bebeh
Kremmm: maybe the dingo ate your bebeh
iikka: maybe the dingo ate your pusseh
Kremmm: haha
iikka: maybe the dingo ate your momehs pusseh
Kremmm: oh please
Kremmm: now you've just gotten silly
iikka: ya know...ive got a boob named hazel and a boob named tilly
Kremmm: hahahahahahahahaha
Kremmm: well played
iikka: im on my game
Kremmm: definitely
Kremmm: dude i am so sore
Kremmm: i busted my ass tonight
iikka: those fucking dingos have big dicks eh?
Kremmm: it's true what they say
iikka: man thats like fucking beastiality
iikka: siiiiick
iikka: hahahaha
Kremmm: gross
iikka: would you rather fuck a dog or a horse?
Kremmm: ummm what breed of dog
iikka: german shepherd
iikka: something substantial
Kremmm: hmmm
Kremmm: and this is normal size horse?
Kremmm: not a fuckin clydesdale
Kremmm: but not one of those mini ponies?
iikka: ehhh donkey size
iikka: no pun intended
Kremmm: haha
Kremmm: pun my ass
Kremmm: i'd probably go with a horse
iikka: cuz a normal horse would rip you a new asshole
Kremmm: because like, i really like dogs, and i don't want to spend the rest of my life traumatized every time i look at a dog
iikka: they cum buckets of jizzzz ya know
Kremmm: horses i don't give a shit about
Kremmm: hmmm
iikka: yeah fuck horses
iikka: dogs are a womans best friend
iikka: (besides her dildo)
Kremmm: hahaha
Kremmm: i s'pose
Kremmm: maybe the dingo ate your bebeh
iikka: maybe the dingo ate your pusseh
Kremmm: haha
iikka: maybe the dingo ate your momehs pusseh
Kremmm: oh please
Kremmm: now you've just gotten silly
iikka: ya know...ive got a boob named hazel and a boob named tilly
Kremmm: hahahahahahahahaha
Kremmm: well played
iikka: im on my game
Kremmm: definitely
Kremmm: dude i am so sore
Kremmm: i busted my ass tonight
iikka: those fucking dingos have big dicks eh?
Kremmm: it's true what they say
iikka: man thats like fucking beastiality
iikka: siiiiick
iikka: hahahaha
Kremmm: gross
iikka: would you rather fuck a dog or a horse?
Kremmm: ummm what breed of dog
iikka: german shepherd
iikka: something substantial
Kremmm: hmmm
Kremmm: and this is normal size horse?
Kremmm: not a fuckin clydesdale
Kremmm: but not one of those mini ponies?
iikka: ehhh donkey size
iikka: no pun intended
Kremmm: haha
Kremmm: pun my ass
Kremmm: i'd probably go with a horse
iikka: cuz a normal horse would rip you a new asshole
Kremmm: because like, i really like dogs, and i don't want to spend the rest of my life traumatized every time i look at a dog
iikka: they cum buckets of jizzzz ya know
Kremmm: horses i don't give a shit about
Kremmm: hmmm
iikka: yeah fuck horses
iikka: dogs are a womans best friend
iikka: (besides her dildo)
Kremmm: hahaha
Kremmm: i s'pose
Monday, July 25, 2005
ive found this site comes in handy quite often... www.deadoraliveinfo.com
and youve definitely gotta check this one out... www.thesuperficial.com
and youve definitely gotta check this one out... www.thesuperficial.com
and now for some tasteless and very politically/racially incorrect jokes...
whats the difference between black jews and white jews? the black jews are forced to sit at the back of the oven.
what do you do when you see a black person on the ground bleeding? stop laughing and reload.
whats the difference between a black man and a pizza? a pizza can feed a family of four.
how do you keep a black man from drowning? take your foot off his head.
im really not racist though, i had a few black friends...but then my dad had to sell them.
what do you do after you fuck a vegetable? put her diaper back on.
why do spics drive lowriders? so they can drive while they pick strawberries.
what do you call a little mexican? a paragraph, b/c hes not quite an essay.
why do black people stink? so blind people can hate them too.
what do you call two mexicans playing basketball? juan on juan.
what do you get when you cross a mexian and an octopus? i dont know, but its a hella good grape picker!
why is there no mexican olympic team? b/c all the mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are in the us.
what do you call a mexican without a lawnmower? unemployed.
what was hitlers least favorite planet? jupiter.
what is a jews biggest dilemma? free pork.
how was copper wire invented? two jews fighting over the same penny.
whats the most common pickup line in a gay bar? may i push your stool in?
how do you know if you're at a gay picnic? the hotdogs taste like shit.
whats the difference between a refrigerator and a gay man? the fridge doesnt fart when you take the meat out.
what do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass? an afghani mechanic.
when is the only time you can spit in a persians womans face? when her mustache is on fire.
how do you know if an asian robbed your house? your math homework is finished, your computer is faster than ever, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.
what do you call 50 black people burried up to their necks in dirt? afro-turf.
why do black people wear white gloves when they eat tootsie rolls? so they dont bite their fingers off.
how do you know if a black woman is pregnant? stick a banana up her pussy and if it comes out half eaten you know theres a chimp up there.
why did helen keller need two hands to masturbate? one to finger herself with and the other one to moan.
why couldnt helen keller drive? b/c she was a woman.
how do you name an asian person? throw a spoon at the wall and see what sound it makes.
guy1: im going to be the next hitler. im going to kill a million jews and a clown. guy2: why the clown? guy1: see? no one gives a fuck about the jews...
hey, btw, my greatgrandfather died at a death camp. yeah, he fell off a guard tower.
why dont mexicans teach drivers ed and sex education on the same day? they dont want to wear out the donkey.
how do you stop an iraqi tank? shoot the guy pushing it.
how many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, white men will screw anything.
what do you call the moisture between two white people having sex? relative humidity.
what do you get if you cross michael jackson and arnold schwarzeneggar? michael wazaniggar.
what did god say when he created the first black person? ooops i burned one.
whats the difference between black people and tires? when you put chains on tires they dont start singing old slave songs.
why do all black people have nightmares? b/c we killed the only one who had a dream.
whats the national anthem of cuba? row, row, row your boat...
how do you kill a thousand flies? hit an ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? nothing, youve already told her twice.
whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? christopher reeve in a house fire.
why dont jews eat pussy? its too close to the 'gas chamber'.
what do you call a bunch of black people in a barn? antique farm equipment.
why did god create yeast infections? so women would know what its like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
what do you call two black guys on a bike? organized crime.
how do you know when an asian has moved into a latino neighborhood? all the latinos get car insurance.
What do you call a white person stealing snacks? A cracker jacker.
What do you call a white person on crack? A double negative.
What do you call a white person with a sunburn? Progress.
What do you call a white person who eats saltine crackers? A cannibal.
what is the difference between batman and a black man? batman can go out at night without robin.
whats the difference between an ethiopian and a pair of jeans? a pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
what word starts with an 'n' and ends in an 'r' that youd never want to call a black person? neighbor.
if you spin a chinese man really really fast, does he become disoriented?
i have a black person in my family tree, the son of a bitch is still hangin there too.
a dude walks into the bathroom of a bar with no arms. he walks up to the stall but than looks over at this guy and ask's if he can take out his penis so he can pee since he can't. and the guy says yes. when he takes it out and its all pussy and blistery. so the guy rushes to the sink to wash his hands. when the guy is done peeing and he kindly asked the guy again can you please put it back in, i dont wanna walk out there with my penis sticking out. so the guy puts it back in and asks, "what the fuck is wrong with your penis i just have to know". the guys pulls his hands from underneith his shirt and says, "i dunno but i ain't touching it."
what do you do when you see a black person on the ground bleeding? stop laughing and reload.
whats the difference between a black man and a pizza? a pizza can feed a family of four.
how do you keep a black man from drowning? take your foot off his head.
im really not racist though, i had a few black friends...but then my dad had to sell them.
what do you do after you fuck a vegetable? put her diaper back on.
why do spics drive lowriders? so they can drive while they pick strawberries.
what do you call a little mexican? a paragraph, b/c hes not quite an essay.
why do black people stink? so blind people can hate them too.
what do you call two mexicans playing basketball? juan on juan.
what do you get when you cross a mexian and an octopus? i dont know, but its a hella good grape picker!
why is there no mexican olympic team? b/c all the mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are in the us.
what do you call a mexican without a lawnmower? unemployed.
what was hitlers least favorite planet? jupiter.
what is a jews biggest dilemma? free pork.
how was copper wire invented? two jews fighting over the same penny.
whats the most common pickup line in a gay bar? may i push your stool in?
how do you know if you're at a gay picnic? the hotdogs taste like shit.
whats the difference between a refrigerator and a gay man? the fridge doesnt fart when you take the meat out.
what do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass? an afghani mechanic.
when is the only time you can spit in a persians womans face? when her mustache is on fire.
how do you know if an asian robbed your house? your math homework is finished, your computer is faster than ever, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.
what do you call 50 black people burried up to their necks in dirt? afro-turf.
why do black people wear white gloves when they eat tootsie rolls? so they dont bite their fingers off.
how do you know if a black woman is pregnant? stick a banana up her pussy and if it comes out half eaten you know theres a chimp up there.
why did helen keller need two hands to masturbate? one to finger herself with and the other one to moan.
why couldnt helen keller drive? b/c she was a woman.
how do you name an asian person? throw a spoon at the wall and see what sound it makes.
guy1: im going to be the next hitler. im going to kill a million jews and a clown. guy2: why the clown? guy1: see? no one gives a fuck about the jews...
hey, btw, my greatgrandfather died at a death camp. yeah, he fell off a guard tower.
why dont mexicans teach drivers ed and sex education on the same day? they dont want to wear out the donkey.
how do you stop an iraqi tank? shoot the guy pushing it.
how many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, white men will screw anything.
what do you call the moisture between two white people having sex? relative humidity.
what do you get if you cross michael jackson and arnold schwarzeneggar? michael wazaniggar.
what did god say when he created the first black person? ooops i burned one.
whats the difference between black people and tires? when you put chains on tires they dont start singing old slave songs.
why do all black people have nightmares? b/c we killed the only one who had a dream.
whats the national anthem of cuba? row, row, row your boat...
how do you kill a thousand flies? hit an ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? nothing, youve already told her twice.
whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? christopher reeve in a house fire.
why dont jews eat pussy? its too close to the 'gas chamber'.
what do you call a bunch of black people in a barn? antique farm equipment.
why did god create yeast infections? so women would know what its like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
what do you call two black guys on a bike? organized crime.
how do you know when an asian has moved into a latino neighborhood? all the latinos get car insurance.
What do you call a white person stealing snacks? A cracker jacker.
What do you call a white person on crack? A double negative.
What do you call a white person with a sunburn? Progress.
What do you call a white person who eats saltine crackers? A cannibal.
what is the difference between batman and a black man? batman can go out at night without robin.
whats the difference between an ethiopian and a pair of jeans? a pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
what word starts with an 'n' and ends in an 'r' that youd never want to call a black person? neighbor.
if you spin a chinese man really really fast, does he become disoriented?
i have a black person in my family tree, the son of a bitch is still hangin there too.
a dude walks into the bathroom of a bar with no arms. he walks up to the stall but than looks over at this guy and ask's if he can take out his penis so he can pee since he can't. and the guy says yes. when he takes it out and its all pussy and blistery. so the guy rushes to the sink to wash his hands. when the guy is done peeing and he kindly asked the guy again can you please put it back in, i dont wanna walk out there with my penis sticking out. so the guy puts it back in and asks, "what the fuck is wrong with your penis i just have to know". the guys pulls his hands from underneith his shirt and says, "i dunno but i ain't touching it."
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
definitely click on the links to see what we're talking about...
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Speedmo9: my rabbits are cute as fuck
kDeUSTerMAN: i want to see shirley
Speedmo9: here ill take a pic for you
kDeUSTerMAN: awww shes so big!
Speedmo9: she reminds me of kramer, shes got a long neck
kDeUSTerMAN: thats a nice thing to say about our friend
kDeUSTerMAN: hahaha
Speedmo9: its not a bad thing at all
Speedmo9: a long neck is a good thing
Speedmo9: look at britney spears
Speedmo9: shes got no neck
Speedmo9: and looks weird
kDeUSTerMAN: do i have a neck?
Speedmo9: yeah youve got a skinny neck
Speedmo9: one that id like to wring
Speedmo9: i mean kramers isnt as long as jackie waterworths
Speedmo9: that bitch looked like ET
Speedmo9: specially with that bob cut she had
Speedmo9: shhh dont listen to me
Speedmo9: im being mean
kDeUSTerMAN: haha thats hilarious
Speedmo9: cause you know what im talking about
kDeUSTerMAN: thats fucking funny as hell
kDeUSTerMAN: man you should see what i can swallow
kDeUSTerMAN: like how many pills/vitamins
Speedmo9: a whole hot dog
kDeUSTerMAN: a whole fucking handful
kDeUSTerMAN: man i prob could
Speedmo9: at once?
kDeUSTerMAN: yeah i can take like at least 10 big ass horse pills at once
Speedmo9: i wonder how many i can do
Speedmo9: thats terrible!
Speedmo9: what if you choke
kDeUSTerMAN: a hotdog i dunno actually cuz its like it stays there
Speedmo9: and theres no one in the store to help you
kDeUSTerMAN: i dont choke my throat opens and parts like how the sea did for jesus
Speedmo9: you mean moses
kDeUSTerMAN: whatever
Speedmo9: hahaha
Speedmo9: good reference though
kDeUSTerMAN: im not catholic...
Speedmo9: thats the lamest excuse ever
kDeUSTerMAN: i spose im christian but i was never baptized
Speedmo9: go outside and ask the first person who parted the sea
Speedmo9: everyone knows that
kDeUSTerMAN: yeah even though i spent two years reading the bible in hs i dont know the dif btwn moses and jesus
Speedmo9: except you cause youre dumb
kDeUSTerMAN: alls i know is they're both mehicano names
Speedmo9: hahahahahaha
Speedmo9: justin siena did right by you
kDeUSTerMAN: HAHA =)
kDeUSTerMAN: man oh man
Speedmo9: that was good
Speedmo9: you got me to laugh out loud at that one
kDeUSTerMAN: me too
kDeUSTerMAN: i made myself laugh
Speedmo9: alls i know is theyre both mehicano names
Speedmo9: hahahaha
kDeUSTerMAN: im still laughing
Speedmo9: it was a good one
kDeUSTerMAN: ahhh its rare i come up with a good one
kDeUSTerMAN: feels good
Speedmo9: it really is
Friday, July 15, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Kremmm: honestly, i'd probably fuck him again
Kremmm: why not
iikka: yeah why not
iikka: id give it a go
Kremmm: i mean, if it's bad, if he doesn't win the "most improved player" award, then oh well, i had some mediocre sex. but it's not like some random fuckwad i just found on the street. who made me stick my finger up his butt
Kremmm: why not
iikka: yeah why not
iikka: id give it a go
Kremmm: i mean, if it's bad, if he doesn't win the "most improved player" award, then oh well, i had some mediocre sex. but it's not like some random fuckwad i just found on the street. who made me stick my finger up his butt
Monday, July 11, 2005
wow, i cant stand dumb girls...
two girls walk in
they walk around and ask if i carry a particular brand of vitamins
i dont i tell them
dumb girl #1: 'not even sonoma market carried it'
dumb girl #2: 'yeah'
one girl walks over to the weight loss section and picks up a bottle of xenadrine
dumb girl #1: 'isnt this the stuff that like you eat and it makes you like, lose weight'
dumb girl #2: 'yeah'
dumb girl #1: 'isnt that like really bad for you? dont these like, kill you?'
they both look over at me
my face scrunches up as i contemplate how to handle them, but im saved by dumb girl #2
dumb girl #2: 'yeah' (does she say anything but yeah?)
dumb girl #1: 'i dont get that. how can you like take a pill and lose weight?'
they both look over at me again, but ive already decided im not going to talk to them, so i just shrug my shoulders and shake my head
dumb girl #2: 'it says these are capsules, do you like open them and sprinkle it over your food?' (i guess she does talk...but thinking before she does it is another question)
dumb girl #1: 'i dont understand how you can, like, take a pill...and lose weight?!' (shes so confused)
dumb girl #2: 'i bet they dont work. you're like, born how you're born, if you're thin you just stay thin, if you're fat, you have to get like, liposuction'
dumb girl #1 puts the bottle of xenadrine back on the shelf and looks at me, i tell them im sorry i dont carry the brand and to have a good afternoon
dumb girl #2: 'how can a pill make you lose weight?' (now shes obviously confused by this idea too)
they look at each other and dumb girl #2 starts to walk towards the door
dumb girl #2: 'maybe we should see if sonoma market carries that brand'
dumb girl #1: 'are you dumb? we were just there'
dumb girl #2: 'oh yeah, i guess we'll have to go to santa rosa'
and they walk out the door
two girls walk in
they walk around and ask if i carry a particular brand of vitamins
i dont i tell them
dumb girl #1: 'not even sonoma market carried it'
dumb girl #2: 'yeah'
one girl walks over to the weight loss section and picks up a bottle of xenadrine
dumb girl #1: 'isnt this the stuff that like you eat and it makes you like, lose weight'
dumb girl #2: 'yeah'
dumb girl #1: 'isnt that like really bad for you? dont these like, kill you?'
they both look over at me
my face scrunches up as i contemplate how to handle them, but im saved by dumb girl #2
dumb girl #2: 'yeah' (does she say anything but yeah?)
dumb girl #1: 'i dont get that. how can you like take a pill and lose weight?'
they both look over at me again, but ive already decided im not going to talk to them, so i just shrug my shoulders and shake my head
dumb girl #2: 'it says these are capsules, do you like open them and sprinkle it over your food?' (i guess she does talk...but thinking before she does it is another question)
dumb girl #1: 'i dont understand how you can, like, take a pill...and lose weight?!' (shes so confused)
dumb girl #2: 'i bet they dont work. you're like, born how you're born, if you're thin you just stay thin, if you're fat, you have to get like, liposuction'
dumb girl #1 puts the bottle of xenadrine back on the shelf and looks at me, i tell them im sorry i dont carry the brand and to have a good afternoon
dumb girl #2: 'how can a pill make you lose weight?' (now shes obviously confused by this idea too)
they look at each other and dumb girl #2 starts to walk towards the door
dumb girl #2: 'maybe we should see if sonoma market carries that brand'
dumb girl #1: 'are you dumb? we were just there'
dumb girl #2: 'oh yeah, i guess we'll have to go to santa rosa'
and they walk out the door
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
iikka: i had to take some drugs
iikka: everything hurts
Speedmo9: why
Speedmo9: working out?
iikka: not really drugs, naproxen doesnt count its just like extra strength motrin
Speedmo9: rowdy sex
iikka: no i was on my feet all day today
iikka: and my toe is killin me
iikka: i could take a pic and show you its all funked out
Speedmo9: no thanks
Speedmo9: i believe you
iikka: too late
Speedmo9: dammit
iikka: haha
iikka: youll love it
iikka: and if you dont i owe you the .25 cents
Speedmo9: ok
iikka: everything hurts
Speedmo9: why
Speedmo9: working out?
iikka: not really drugs, naproxen doesnt count its just like extra strength motrin
Speedmo9: rowdy sex
iikka: no i was on my feet all day today
iikka: and my toe is killin me
iikka: i could take a pic and show you its all funked out
Speedmo9: no thanks
Speedmo9: i believe you
iikka: too late
Speedmo9: dammit
iikka: haha
iikka: youll love it
iikka: and if you dont i owe you the .25 cents
Speedmo9: ok
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
